does it say something about me that my "top 20" playlist has 33 songs in it?

i like music. a lot. i'm kinda obsessed; just like any self-respecting teen is. i'm the kind of person that will get a song stuck in my head on purpose just so it isn't so quiet at school, where i'm not allowed to have my ipod on.

and yet, i swear life hates me. i got my wonderful ipod touch taken away....more months ago than i can count (but then again, i called canada china today, so the idea that i can count is questionable), and i'm seriously wondering if i'm going to make it til i get my music back.

the radio's always on now, so at least there's some sort of music. but it all sucks. i can't find the music i like on the radio, so i have to be tortured by popular music...the disgusting kind that i hate. i mean, seriously. has anyone heard the song Carryout? it's possibly the most insulting, woman-only-an-object, song i have ever listened to. i want to kill someone every time that song comes on.

and to think that girls are sitting here, calling the radio station, requesting that song. i can't believe that anyone--especially girls--can listen to that song and not see it as offensive.

anyway. just had to get that rant out of my system. back to my essay, now i guess......and daddy, yes, i've gotten a page done; that's why i'm on here.

this is....wonderful *sarcasm hand raised*

it's stormingish. i have to play my clarinet in a parade in an hour. this should be fun, because i totally love marching in the pouring rain.

and i have to revise my research paper and write an essay. before 1 tomorrow. i haven't started. fail.

song of the day: "Missing" by Evanescence


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noon: well, the parade was canceled. which is good, i guess, but i still have to write the essay. ^_^ oh well. i need something interesting to happen, because i'm bored and really don't want to work.

it's naptime.

i'm tired. mom let me go on the computer and not do homework, but i haven't done that in so long that i don't know what to do. that's kinda sad. it's way too humid still and about 5 million degrees outside, and i feel like whining right now.

yesterday was good. i got money. i hung out with this guy. i think he likes me, not sure though. idk. id post what he said to me, but that takes a lot of typing, and since my daddy probably will read this, i won't, because stalkers scare me. especially stalkers that are too cowardly to at least post a comment to let me know they're stalking me, which, yes daddy, you CAN do without getting a google account.

have i said that i'm tired? because i am. i kinda feel like writing poetry and i kinda don't. i want to do something interesting, but there's really nothing to do that is legal and that i haven't done today. i should write my essay but i really don't want to. it's not due til tuesday, and even though it has to be 3-4 pages and i haven't started, i'm not worried yet. i'll save the worrying for monday night. or maybe tuesday morning.

hmmmmm.... song of the day: "Behind these Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson

blogging my essay-writing process

one minute: this isn't so bad. i even have a topic: i'm exploring the unintended messages in the top ten pop songs of this week and their cultural impact. i'll be done soon!

five minutes: WHY IS THE COMPUTER BEING SO SLOW?!?!?! this is insane!!! and my music is broken!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!

ten minutes: i cant find any information. why is there no list of the top ten songs???

eleven minutes: oh. found it.

15 minutes: i hate popular music. it's stupid. maybe i will get this essay done today just because i'll be able to rant for three pages about it.

20 minutes: i forgot i was supposed to be doing research for a minute there. im thirsty. i wish i had a popsicle.

22 minutes: this is taking forever. i thought id be done researching by now. i havent even gotten halfway through.

25 minutes: i wonder if my teacher will care if i'm too lazy to * out swear words?

28 minutes: if ANYONE likes ke$ha or lady gaga, they should be put in a mental hospital with twilight-lovers. no offense.

31 minutes: all these different documents i have up are confusing me. i keep clicking on the wrong one.

32 minutes: this post is going to be sooo long by the time i actually START this essay.

34 minutes: DUDE!!!! that was awesome!! the second the lyrics to one of the songs come up, that SAME SONG starts playing from my itunes playlist!!!!

45 minutes: finally! finished researching. now to bleep out all the swear words....

47 minutes: took long enough! now i'll actually START the essay.....

48 minutes: i'm too tired to write an essay...

50 minutes: i'm taking a break. i'll write the essay later.

song of the day: "can't be tamed" by miley cyrus (yeah....i hate miley, but for some reason today i like this song. idk.)

today, yesterday, and infinity

i'm kinda depressed today. no real reason, its just that goldish-berry feeling that makes me want to cry, but im not because i'm too tired.

i probably failed my m*** test today. oh well ^_^

i cant believe ATYP is almost over. one more class. i know i'm not prepared, and ill be really lucky to even get a B/C. but right now i really dont care...

i don't know really what to say. i just want to log off the computer and mindlessly play video games for the next few hours.

it doesn't feel like a wednesday. i wish it wasn't.

im tired. i kinda want to write poetry, and i kinda don't.

Jake hasn't emailed me yet. i dont know what that means. i hope he will say we can still be friends; i miss our friendship alot more than our relationship. friendship is so much better anyway.

i'm getting sick of thinking, so bye for now.....

song of the day: "A thousand miles" --Vanessa Carlton

doctors are evil :( but pancakes are yummy!

i had to get a shot today....ughh. it hurt. a lot. i nearly fainted, but i didn't, which was probably a good thing.

i just nearly had a heart attack...because my printer started printing. this happens to me at least 10 times a week....

i was reeeally sad last night; not for a logical reason, but because i accidentally colored part of my picture the wrong color and the white-out wasn't working. this is normal for me, too. ^^ and until i started reading MLIA, i didn't realize that not all people color in coloring books and shout stuff out randomly in class. i have awesome friends.

the other day i realized that whenever im confused or whatever, my mind is like O.o
the funny part of that is that i don't even know how to say what that emotion is in normal language. yeah.....

im happy :) my daddy got a job. it's ironic, and kinda funny, because a long time ago, when he lived in Kalamazoo he moved to grand Rapids because he got a job there. and then when his job got transferred to Kalamazoo from grand rapids, he moved back to kalamazoo, where we live now. guess where his new job is? yep, Grand Rapids. we're not moving though, he says, which is good. so im happy :)

and even though i failed a math test....today was a good day :)

song of the day: "bulletproof" by La Roux

happy :)

it's storming. i'm happy. i'd post more, but the power's probably going to go out, and it'd be bad if i was still on the computer.

song of the day: hmmmm.....let's see........."Halo" by Beyonce. i like that song, even though it has nothing to do with my day =)

more random stuff from MLIA.

i feel like i'm accomplishing something by going on MLIA instead of doing homework. which is kinda sad XD

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Today i found out that my little brother is being home schooled and has been for almost 4 months. I live in the same house and had no idea. MLIA

Today I had a long break between classes and went to an empty auditorium to do work. Soon after, a large class started coming in to take a test. Not only did I write ridiculous answers on the test I was handed, but when it was completely silent I stood up in outrage and screamed "I HATE THIS CLASS!" and stormed out. I don't care if it made someone's day, that was for my own entertainment. MLIA

Today, I was in the park with a friend when I saw a pigeon. I said, "Imagine walking with only two legs". I didn't realise what I had said for a good ten minutes. MLIA

Last night, I had a fight with my boyfriend about Harry Potter being better than Twilight. Today, I am single. I was fighting for Team Potter. MLIA

Today, I was waking with my older sister through the park. I put my hands in my pockets and said, "Hey, look! A dead bird!" She looked up at the sky, "Where? Where?" She's 16. And I'm glad to know dead birds can fly. MLIA

Today my friends and I were playing The Floor Is Lava during lunch. We were making our way down the hall on the benches when our principal walks up next to us and gives us a quizzical look. I simply looked at him and told him that he was about to burst into flames because the floor was lava. He yelped and threw himself onto the passing quarterback and continued to hang off of him until he reached his office. I love our principal. MLIA

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my life's pretty average too. today i walked into three walls in 5 minutes, my entire jazz band shared one person's answers for our science homework cuz only one person had done it, and i called one of my friends a pink-frosted pink thing. (she was wearing all pink. a pink-frosted pink thing was the only thing i could think of that was pink). my mom said "look, a hippopotamus!" and i looked. and i spent two hours arguing with a robot, trying to convince it that it was not human.

song that describes my day (if you havent noticed i kinda started this cuz i could. life would be so much better with background music XD) "Never Again" --Kelly Clarkson

your daily entertainment, brought to you by MLIA =)

Today, I cracked all the eggs in the carton because I discovered I could crack them one handed. Once I ate some and cleaned up the rest, my Mum walked out, looked in the fridge and asked what had happened to the eggs. I looked at her and told her that they had hatched. She nodded and walked away. MLIA

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of just short of a year. I cried for a long time. And then I my dad reminded me that he used to give me weird looks when I would roar while eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets, and a guy like that isn't worth it. I stopped crying. MLIA.

Today, an alert came up on Google Chrome that said, "The following pages are not responding. You can wait for them to respond or you can kill them," and had a picture of an evil Chrome tab. I was slightly frightened by Google's violence. MLIA.

Today, my families cell phones got cut off, so we couldn't call or text. Later i got a text message from my mother asking if my phone was working again. Seeing as it obviously worked again, i tried to be funny and sent her a message back saying no it wasn't. Later i went downstairs to find her yelling on the phone at the phone company about how my cell was still not working. I wonder how long this one will take her. MLIA

The other day in band everyone was talking so to get our attention my band teacher held up his keys and said "Look, Shiny!" The entire band got quiet and looked up at him. Highschoolers are awesome. MLIA

Our teacher showed us a picture in science class of Saturn, and you could see the sun in the distance. A guy in my class shouted out "Hey, from there, the sun looks like a star!" MLIA

Today, I saw a sign in the cafeteria at my school that said "Shoes required to eat in cafeteria." Someone had written underneath it "But socks can eat wherever they want." MLIA

Today I called my male professor Mom, and he answered. I'm not sure which of us was more embarrassed. MLIA

Today, I waved at the security camera in a store. As I was walking out, I saw an old man waving at one too. I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who does that. MLIA

Today, I was in the local coffee shop. I saw a very uptight-looking business man; very high class, with a suit, Bluetooth and a laptop. He sat down and looked very concentrated on what he was doing on his laptop. When I passed him as I was leaving, I saw that he was playing FarmVille. MLIA.

Today I was watching TV and a commercial came on proclaiming, "Christmas is a weird time, when else do you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock?" I will never think of Christmas the same way again. MLIA

Today, I was taking a statewide health test. One of the questions was, "Have you ever committed suicide?" The choices were Yes, No, and Maybe. The question after was, "How many times have you committed suicide?" I put over 10. i hope they get hell for that. MLIA

Today I was wearing my sweater on my waist, my shoulders got cold so I put it around there instead of my waist, it got cold at my waist and I thought I wish I could wear my sweater in both parts, and that's where I remembered you could wear your sweater by putting it on. MLIA

^^^

song that describes my day yesterday (instead of me blogging about it): "Over You" --Daughtry

it's always the little things. never was i as strongly affected by the big picture of anything as the littlest detail. Jake breaking up with me....i thought i was over it. i replayed our last kiss over and over in my head, almost comforted by it. but i was brought to tears when my mom asked me to get the timer from my room, because i was remembering phone calls between Jake and i late at night. i'm still almost crying. i miss him. i don't know what i did....but i wish it had never happened. i'm so scared, thinking about tomorrow; how i'll have to see him in class, work with him, and know that i'll probably never hold his hand again, never kiss him again, never lovingly stare up into his eyes again right before we have to go back to class, begging him for just one more kiss; trying to convince him that no one will care if we're late. never again.

*screaming like a fangirl*

OMG!!!! adi, i love your accent!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

....anyway. im calm now. im sitting in front of my computer eating peanut butter. i should be doing english, i have soooo much to do and its all due tomorrow. but im not.

im in a surprisingly good mood right now, considering im probably about to fail ATYP and my boyfriend broke up with me friday. today's a good day. :)

i have a lot of documents open on my screen. i keep starting something and then getting distracted. im a really disorganized person. ive basically trashed my room looking for a handout i need. i feel like ive accomplished something today, because one of my essays doesn't have the comment "short" on it from my teacher. thats kinda sad.

is anyone still reading this? wow. you either have issues, or are trying to avoid homework too. i finished one revision in two hours!! yay! ...only 14 more left.

OMG. cleverbot.com: most distracting website. ever. it's hysterical. ive been sitting here for the last 15 minutes talking to a robot.

it would be a good idea to get off here and work. so that's actually what i'll do. so bye...for now.

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?


--"Missing" by Evanescence

life (kinda) sucks

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I don't know why, or what i did, or really anything. He just called me...and sounded so cold and not like himself...and he said it was over. it was our 3-month anniversary, too. So i'm depressed. He was normal last time i saw him, but in just a few days, he completely changed. i don't know what happened. I'm kinda stunned still; i need to know what happened before i can let him go completely.

And yes, i miss him, and i will for a while yet. but I'm stronger than i look. and today's a new day and the sun is shining and i'm not crying anymore and i feel almost beautiful, and i'm over him. <3

Random Stuff About Me That You May or May Not Know/Care About

Name: Christina (username on sparknotes: tragicxharmony)

Age: almost 15

Favorite color: purple.

E-lationship: none.

Real-life relationship: yes!! :)

Favorite Food: anything chocolate

Random thing most people don't know about me: i have synesthesia. (if you don't know what that is, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia)

Taste in Music: i'll listen to anything that looks pretty. right now, i'm addicted to t.A.T.u. (a russian duo) and brick by boring brick by paramore.

favorite phrase: tragic harmony (there's a reason that's my username :P)

location: Michigan, USA

favorite subjects: english, french, band

instruments: clarinet, flute, and (hopefully by the end of summer) saxophone

addictions: poetry, chocolate, open threads on sparknotes

most ADD-inducing object: shiny objects. or squirrels.

thing i spend most of my time doing: writing essays for ATYP (an advanced english) or doing algebra (ugh....)


any questions? ask in the comments =)

space, time, and other possibilities

I'm listening to a very pretty light red song right now. i love light red. it's such a pretty color. it isn't pink at all; it's red. but lighter.

anyway. it's wednesday. i like wednesdays, they're halfway through the week and they go by fast because i daydream a lot on wednesdays. i don't like this time of year though, it's all waiting and just trying to keep up. nothing interesting happens this time of year; nothing out of the ordinary, anyway. interesting things are everywhere, but my routine is always the same. i can't wait til summer.

i'll be in high school next year. it sounds so odd, saying that; middle school sounds so young. it's funny how time works. i remember, in fourth grade, when i went to the middle school for advanced classes, how even the sixth graders looked so old. it almost feels like i'm in high school now, and even high school sounds so juvenile. i guess everything seems strangely young, looking back on it.

Hello? i'm RIGHT HERE........

I don't know if it's just me, but i don't feel like people care about me if they ignore me.This has happened before; people say they love me and then don't talk to me for a week. I don't know if i'm some sort of anomaly, but that generally makes me upset.

So be mad at me if you want to, but it's pretty hard to believe you care when you don't even talk to me, and then get mad at me for missing you.

I'm bored.......

I get bored alot. Like, all the time. I'm bored right now, and I'm typing this, listening to music, brainstorming my essay for ATYP, and trying to figure out if i'm hungry. But i'm still bored.

It's really windy outside. I want to go outside and climb a tree. I love climbing trees.

I don't like days like today. Some days, I don't even feel like i'm touching the ground when i walk; i feel like i'm not truly part of this world. But other days, I feel so ordinary that i can't stand it. I want to fly; be free. I want to be cut off from this world, because only then will i become what i'd like to think i'm meant to be.

Poetry, that's what that last paragraph is. I call everything poetry if i like it. Because poetry to me isn't just rhymed sonnets. It's a certain kind of beauty. I think i'm going to fill this blog with poetry--everything i find truly beautiful.

I'm not always so dreamy, babbling about wind and poetry. I have three sides to be, the romantic side, the random ADD side, and the moody side. Some people say i have to get my act together; enter the real world. But this is my real world. I can't separate my three sides, because then i wouldn't be me. All three sides will show up in this blog. i usually like my poetic romantic side best, because it feels prettier. But i'll be everything.

And in conclusion of my second blog entry....look! a shiny squirrel!

This is what happens when i start thinking

So I decided to create a blog. Why? Well, I guess because I want to write something other people might want to read. I guess.

I hate introductions like this--I find them irritating, and overly hopeful, like just because I started a blog somehow means that today is special or something. I mean, special other than because today's Tuesday and it's sunny and all days are special. I don't know....it's a bit more naive than even I like.

According to some, I am naive; a dreamer; and whatever else anyone wants to call it. Maybe I am. Maybe. Not that it matters.

I don't want comfort. I want god, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.
--Brave New World