*is overheating*

curse this humidity. it's about 90 degrees (32-ish for anyone who uses odd measurements like that) and it's so humid i could probably get a drink of water just by walking outside and breathing.

(random thought popping into my head) @rebel i wanted to comment on your last blog post, but the parental controls on the computer wouldn't let me. and i'm not quite sure what i wanted to say anyway. but that....it's a very familiar feeling. i don't know all the details of what you're thinking, but in that case, i know how you feel. it's like...you want to do something with your life. you want to be known, be good at something. but somewhere in between wanting it and doing it, you get stuck. and you're not sure why, but you can't get yourself out of it.

maybe one day you'll see me, and i'll be famous, having just written a best-selling book, or something else just as special. that's what i want. but what if i'm not good enough to write for a living? what if i'm fooling myself? what if i can't get into the college of my dreams? maybe all that will happen to me is that i'll crash; end up an alcoholic or homeless or some other fate just as terrible. just because i don't know if i'm good enough, so i put off trying to see if i am. if i procrastinate long enough, i'll miss out on life altogether. tomorrow will always be just another day far in the future--maybe i'll never start my life today.

i don't know. it's too hot to think straight right now.

song of the day: "impossible" by shontelle (i love this song! it's so cold; it's like light blue air! it's soooo pretty :D)

and here is the truth!

1) my average attention span lasts about 48 minutes.
yes. very true. i've timed it. i always get murderously bored and can't pay attention a few minutes before class is out. or 3/4 of the way thru church.

2) i hate sandals and flipflops with a passion. i refuse to wear them, and on one occasion, i burned them. just because i could.
false. i love flipflops! i'm like, obsessed with them. but i'd probably burn them if i felt like it. i like fire.

3) i don't know the difference between left and right.
true. which causes problems in marching band...and walking...

4) my mom has asked the principal of my school to give me a detention.
true!! i wasn't getting my homework done, and so my mom called up the principal and asked him to give me detentions. as in, more than one. i was in detention for like, 4 days every week for 2 weeks.

5) i'm tired right now.
yep. i'm like always tired.

6) i don't remember anything that happened to me before i was 8.
false! i have a bad memory...but not that bad.

7) i got distracted after i typed the last sentence and forgot to finish this for a half-hour-ish.
lol, true. remember short attention span here.

and i'm going to get a dell! yay! .....or at least, i'll get the dell once i earn $30 more....stupid tax.......

song of the day: brick by boring brick by paramore. i love that song. and its colors match its music video, which totally made my day =D

help me please!!

this totally isn't a HUGE problem, and i'm starving and therefore probably being illogical, but i'm losing my mind here DX

so i'm going to buy a netbook (aka baby laptop) and i've got 3 different choices for all about the same price and same additions and all. so the dell--biggest problem is that the touchpad is finicky; 27/29 people would recommend; $280. the asus--many people reported crashing, and is slower; 45/53 people recommend; $280. the gateway--some crashing troubles; slowish; touchpad finicky; 106/112 people recommend; $270.

i absolutely cannot decide!!! ugh! i don't think i want the asus, and though the gateway is cheaper, i'm just drawn to the dell. so idk which i should pick. advice?? help me out here please......

i've been noticed!! (and therefore tagged :D)

#3,4 curse you, lola!! not really. :D this should be fun. *is happy* someone noticed that i exist and tagged me!! :D right? or is there another Christina here that i don't know about? *is now worried*

anyway. i don't like that picture. it looks nothing like music. so i am changing the picture, just to make me happy. no one has to copy it, but i'll be annoyed if i don't find a picture that actually looks like music.


there. i'm happy now. :) now i'll continue with instruction #5.

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be

I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by?

at 15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
at 15, I'm all right with you
at 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there for you
Bet it sucks, seeing my face everywhere
It was you, who just ended like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you were doing
It don't say, you simply lost your way
She may believe you but i never will
Never again

there! that was fun. hmmmm.....now for tagging people. i tag.... adi, unwritten, aish, lucy/seth, ellie, kevin, torey if she appears on blogspot again, and daddy :D

rules are here.

i feel like i'm forgetting something......oh well. bye!! (overly hyper :D)

i'm a good liar :D

sooooo....since everyone else is doing this and a few people (i think adi and jgrudzy, so thanks.) said if you haven't done this, do it, and i'm too lazy to figure out if anyone's tagged me already (if that made sense, congrats, because i'm confused)............i'll join in on the lies. (and that covers instructions 1-3. i think.)

1) my average attention span lasts about 48 minutes.
2) i hate sandals and flipflops with a passion. i refuse to wear them, and on one occasion, i burned them. just because i could.
3) i don't know the difference between left and right.
4) my mom has asked the principal of my school to give me a detention.
5) i'm tired right now.
6) i don't remember anything that happened to me before i was 8.
7) i got distracted after i typed the last sentence and forgot to finish this for a half-hour-ish.

i'm too lazy to tag anyone...so if you haven't yet done this and want to, go ahead. (that would be instructions 5-7 right there)

hmmm. i wanted to talk about something else, but i don't know what to say. i'm in an optimistic mood today. today is a good day :) i'm helping out at something for my church later. it should be fun. i might see someone there i like. it depends.

song of the day: "Stars" by t.A.T.u.

dying of lack of communication with the outside world

i seriously hate summer vacation after, like, the first week. yeah, sleeping in and everything is great, but when you haven't seen most of your friends in ages and you have no way to communicate with them because facebook and sparknotes/open threads are blocked on the computer, it's soooo overrated. (daddy, please please please unblock facebook??? please? *begging* *sadface*)

i have like, nothing on my mind right now...... *needs something to do*

song of the day: "With You" by Jessica Simpson

....waking up...slowly.....

the highlight of, like, most everyone's 8th grade year at my school is the cedar point trip we go on. which was yesterday. until then, i've never ever been on a roller coaster XD (i'm a deprived child). but i went on a LOT of roller coasters!! they were fun!

and then we got back at like midnight. and i had to wake up at 4 to leave. and then TODAY, the reason i'm not still asleep like most sane people at this time of the morning is that people are coming to fix our roof. they started working at 8ish. it's painful....but i'm almost kinda awake now.....at least awake enough to blog.

daddy got a job! so i get a laptop. i'm happy :) i think i'm going to get one of those adorable baby laptops, they're so cute :D

good night......... (even though it's 9.30 in the morning)

song of the day: idk. too tired to think.

time is like color--it's unique to everyone

have you ever had that strange, vague, light blue feeling, that you're experiencing time very differently than everyone else? that's how i feel right now, and for two reasons.

for one, yesterday was the last day of school. next year i'll be in high school, and, even though i haven't been able to wait for this, i don't want it to happen just yet. i want the world to stop spinning, just for a minute or two; just long enough for me to catch my breath and take in all these things i'm going to want to remember; long enough for me to once again grasp hold of something more solid than the air.

also, it's a funny thought--i'm almost 15; in less than a month i will be. but i don't feel in the least bit 14; it almost disgusts me to say that i am only 14. i don't even feel 15-almost-16. i feel at least 16--almost 17--like i'm just stepping off into my future; young, idealistic, and ready to take on the world. but then i look at reality and i'm so confused; because i still have 4 years of school til college, but i feel like i'm a junior, nearly finished with high school.

everyone who knows me at all is probably laughing; heaven knows i don't act my age, much less almost 17 like i feel. but that's part of it too. i feel like i only have a little time--only a year or so--before i have to be responsible and adult-like and on my own. so i think i have to hurry; act like a child for as long as i can, because i don't have much time left.

it's so confusing. i act 12. i feel 17. but right now i'm only 14-almost-15, lingering in the space between childhood and adulthood; not able to do much of anything, not able to be free.

song of the day: "Twilight" by Vanessa Carlton

school's almost over!! :D

Yay! i'm at school right now, it's the LAST FULL DAY and im sooo hyper!! :D

I've been grounded from the home computer, so i haven't updated this lately, but since i just realized i can at school, i decided i might as well say something. sooooo......idk what to say. class is almost over but not quite.

i think it's time to go to jazz band now; when i think of something else worthwhile to say i might post it if i can get on the computer later.

.....too lazy to title this.

Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel; believe what I believe; perceive as I perceive; look; experience; examine; and for once, just once, understand.

I'd rant about how I feel, but it'd be awfully redundant. So just see the last 3 paragraphs of yesterday's post =)

Song of the Day: "Take a Bow" by Rihanna.

i am NOT a spoiled child!

i'm actually going to at least try to blog about what actually happened today instead of typing whatever randomly comes into my head. oooh, a squirrel!!

no, there really WAS a squirrel. i'm serious. and no, i'm not ADD.

today was....kinda interesting. but ugh-ish, and yes, that's a word.

today, we had to go over to the high school for some sort of tour, that basically involved me frantically writing an essay and wandering around following a high school student--our "mentor"--and feeling awkward. and short.

then i had my last ATYP class. i TRIED to get Jake to at least be friends again. but no....instead he started using big words and basically saying that i was a spoiled child and he was sick of me. which was mean. i am not a spoiled child!

so what if i don't want to grow up? someone, look me in the eyes (figuratively) and tell me honestly that you'd rather be a boring old grown-up who has to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for the rest of your life. tell me that you'd rather be responsible and have no fun and be normal. seriously. because i don't want that. ever. and i'm quite upset that everyone's telling me that i have to.

so what if i honestly want to travel the world, run barefoot thru meadows, write, and never find a real job? is that really so bad? so what if i'm not used to doing things for myself, and usually don't? so what if i will always be a child at heart? is that a reason to break up with me?

i don't think so.

song of the day: "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat (i love this song; it's so.....un-grown-up. idk.)