There's been a lot of depressing blog posts lately, so I guess I'll join in.

Pretty cool stuff here. I'm talking about OneNote (it's a microsoft program). It's entertained me and kept me from working for an hour at least now, so I think that's pretty great.

I'm tired.

 
 

Hmm. I've been thinking about high school a lot lately, which makes sense 'cause I'm in it. But I've realized that I really don't have any true friends anymore. True friends support you, they want you to achieve your dreams, they're happy for you when you do. But my friends, I found out, don't do that, any of them. Like, the other day when I found out that I have the highest GPA in my grade. I'm excited, of course, because I want to graduate a year early and go to a really selective private liberal arts college. But when I tell my friends, they yell at me for bragging. I wasn't bragging, though! I was excited, and I thought that since they're my FRIENDS, they'd be excited for me too. But they weren't; instead, they stopped speaking to me. I don't really mind it. I don't NEED friends, I've lived without them before and perfectly well too. But it still hurts. It's like I can't be smart-I can't be fully me-around them.

 
 

Song of the day: hmmm. I don't remember if I've already said this, but "September" by Daughtry.

bah.

So I'm sitting in the car on my way to my friend's state crosscountry meet, and I remember that I have a blog. Cool, huh? So since I can't hack into any wifi network (the name of one that I tried is PiratesAmongUs, something I found ironic) and I can post from Microsoft word, (not to mention that I don't care enough to work on my AP essay like I should be doing), I decided to update this for like, the first time in months.

It's really not my fault, though! I've been busy. Crosscountry every night after school, marching band, AP class, and all……sleep is a thing of the past. So. I think ive lost all intelligent thought right now, 'cause I can't think of a thing to say. And you should be thankful ive got spellcheck because without it no one could figure out what im trying to say. Im tired. Really tired. Even though I got like 10 hours of sleep last night, im tired. The first marking period of school is over. I only have 15 (or 11) more of these left before college. Joy.

 

Mkay. I guess this'll have to count as blogging. I'm not making any promises about blogging sometime soon, but I might. Idk.

 

Song of the day: "Lucy" by Skillet (love this song! It's so sad!)

oh, yeah. i have a blog.

it's only been a week since school's started, but it feels like a couple months. i've practically forgotten what my house looks like in the daylight. i've got marching band, cross country, AP english, two languages, and i'm trying to have a life. which is all well and good, except for that i have to sleep, too. so im basically exhausted. most of the day, im walking thru life like im a zombie. these are supposed to be some of the best four years of my life, but it's only been the first week of my freshman year and at this rate, im not even going to remember most of it. oh well....i'll get used to it soon enough. i have to.

song of the day: "lost in this dance" by Lena Katina. (i love this song!)

i feel important (:

im in a poetic mood today--you know, one of those days where you can't stand the ordinary day-to-day events and just want to sit in a hammock and write poetry all day.

and one of my friends mentioned me in her blog!

i can't comment on her blog, so: hi! i feel special :D and i know what you mean, about most of what you said. i agree (:

i really want school to start, actually. i mean, it feels like it's almost started already, with all im doing: cross country and band and all. it'd let me see my friends more.

but at the same time, i dont want it to start, and i'm regretting all ive gotten myself into. the world's spinning too fast as it is and im trying to make it go faster because sometimes im scared of these words i love. poetry scares me sometimes; it's too real for me sometimes and sometimes i want to be "normal". i know it's a compromise and id lose so much, but sometimes im scared of depth; sometimes i just want life to be shallow.

so in honor of the shallow lifestyle, the song of the day is "Teenage Dream" by katy Perry

*sigh*

why can't i finish this stupid essay????

ugh, this is driving me crazy. i've been working on my AP english essay all summer. there's 3 weeks left of summer break and i haven't finished it yet.

i keep rewriting it. and re-rewriting it. and re-re-rewriting it. im so scared that i've just been lying to myself. i'm so scared that i might not actually belong in this class. yeah, i've been in advanced AP english classes for the past two years. but now im gonna be a freshman in an 11th grade english class. what if i can't keep up? what if we'vee been babied in my advanced class, and i'm really not that good of a writer at all?

i don't know. so even though this is just a stupid summer writing assignment, i want it to be perfect. i don't want to be the stupid freshman who really doesn't belong. idk. it's driving me crazy.

song of the day: "candles" by hey monday

yay yay yay yay yay!!!!:)

im gonna buy a guitar (:

that is all

oh, and band camp's sundaay. so bye for another week (:

band!!!! :D oh, yeah, and school.

band camp sunday!!!! yay! :D

and i got my school schedule:
1st hour: biology
ugh. i hate science. at least one of my bffs is in this class. and maybe i could sleep....

2nd hour: spanish 2
the spanish teachers are all terrible i've heard. i'll sleep, thanks.

3rd hour: AP lit
yay! english! this is gonna be mostly 11th graders and im a freshman. no sleeping here :|

4th hour: history
it'll depend on the teacher how much i hate this class. another slack-off hour probably.

5th hour: french 2
whee! i love french! and i love my teacher! this is a fun class :)

LUNCH: (torey, listen up and comment if u read this to tell me which lunch u have) 3rd lunch. late. and not with the one friend whose schedule i know.

6th hour: geometry
ugh. ugh. ugh. hate this class. will fail. ugh.

7th hour: BAND!!!!!! :D
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! band!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

song of the day: if everyone cared by nickelback

Catholic Heart Work Camp

CHWC—where i’ve been for the last week. it was awesome and because i promised various people who read my blog that i’d post what i did, here it is (the edited version, of course, because the unedited version is only in my diary, and blogs aren’t diaries, especially when daddy reads my blog :D) and i apoligize for this incredibly long post.

Friday:                                                                                              You know how you used to feel like the night before christmas or a vacation, how it’s hard to sleep? that’s how i feel now. can’t wait til  CHWC starts.

Saturday:                                                                                          it’s late. like, really late. i’m writing by the light of a nightlight. we’re getting up at 4 tomorrow, so i should be asleep, but i can’t sleep, so i figured i should write. i really can’t even see the page or what i’m writing. well, when we got to church, we did just some teambuilding stuff for a few hours…then kinda just hung out, packed our stuff, and went to bed. can’t wait til tomorrow :)

Sunday:                                                                                             loooong drive today. it’s 10.30 but feels like so much later because we got up at 4. that’s way too early for me. we switched cars every few hours, so the trip was kinda split up into 4 parts. the first part—i tried (and failed) to sleep. second part—laughed hysterically, waved at random cars, watched the driver of my car stick her foot out the window, had tons of fun. third part—explained twilight to a guy. don’t ask. it was his choice of topics, not mine. then lunch. then like a half hour more and we were there. pittsburgh is really pretty, in a dangerous, big-city sort of way. like, it’s this huge city, but there’s mountains all over and these huge houses up in the mountains that look like castles. but you can see the lack of money, the graffiti, the broken-down houses, the need that is so clear if you look past the mountains. the program and mass were pretty neat too---more interesting than i’d expected. i get to work with kids in a boys and girls club—should be fun, and pretty easy too.

Monday:                                                                                            disappointingish day today. for one, my focus is totally off—i’m supposed to be focusing on serving others and growing closer to god and all that. but i’m not. i’m all distracted by my personal life. i’m supposed to have left that behind, but it’s followed me here. just because he paid some attention to me the other day, i thought (hoped) that he liked me. so now i’m depressed because he’s kinda been ignoring me, although it’s not at all surprising. also, as i said yesterday, i’m working in a  boys and girls club, not painting/working like everyone else. it feels kinda insignificant; i mean, so i spend like 3 days hanging out with some kids. so what? it’s not going to do that much in the end; not going to affect anyone. it’s just like, what’s the point? i don’t quite see it.

Tuesday:                                                                                           today…better day. the kids remembered us. now that i’m out of my random;y depressed mood, yeah, i do think we’ll have some sort of impact. maybe not lifelong. maybe not just on the kids, maybe on the other adults that ask us why we’re doing this. but something. the routine is pretty straightforward there. it’s like in the ghetto. i’m serious; it’s kinda creepy. we play a lot of games with the kids—ping-pong and pool and the wii and air hockey and dance dance revolution. it’s fun. the kids are all so intense! they’re so competitive, and you can see they’re used to a hard life, where you HAVE to be that intense. so not what i’m used to.

Wednesday:                                                                                      i keep losing my voice. i’m gonna scare some little kids or something. today we went to a different boys and girls club because our kids were on a field trip that we weren’t allowed to go on. it was a lot nicer—not in the ghetto this time :D. basically same routine though, but we got to go swimming, which was pretty amazing. i’m getting kinda sick of sleeping on a gym floor with 250 other girls and communal showers. i’m sitting in the program room writing and waiting for evening program to start. four corners tonight. it’s this sort of prayer-thing. i can’t really explain, but it’s really moving and intense. really awesome.

Thursday:                                                                                         kinda sad day, because today was the last day with the kids. they all asked us to visit again, and we couldn’t have said no so we just kinda said that we’d try to and hoped that they’d forget so they wouldn’t be disappointed.

Friday:                                                                                              free day. i’m exhausted, and feel kinda sick. this week of 5 hours of sleep a night has definately caught up to me. i went to a water park and fell asleep twice, but other than that had quite a bit of fun. i’m really sunburnt again though. looking back at this week, it’s gone so fast. it’ll be a whole year til i can do this again, and i already miss it.

My chains are gone, I've been set free
God my savior has ransomed me
and like a flood his mercy reigns
unending love, amazing grace

hi again

i haven't posted in forever. sorry. i guess.

i was on a mission trip all last week (it was awesome; sometime later i'll post about it) and this week i've been too brain-dead to think, let along blog.

detasseling is FINALLY over. i'm so happy. i seriously am not doing it again. not a chance. ugh.

i can't think. i need sleep.

there. i blogged again.

band camp week after next. i'd be exciteder if i was more awake.

song of the day: "Last to Know" by Three Days Grace

Corn. corn corn corn.

gah. i'm seeing corn. i'm serious. when you work in a cornfield for like 8 hours a day, corn gets stuck in your head. now every time i close my eyes, i see corn. i seriously dreamed about corn last night. isn't that a sign of insanity?

thanks soooooo much, ellie, for putting the blogging breaking dawn thing on here. i totally owe you. and thanks for the e-froot loops, adi! :D

hmmmm. i should blog something interesting. like, regularly. what do you think? should i write a story, or blog about one? or both, or something completely different? hmmm. what's your favorite song? i want to listen to some new music. how many questions can i ask in one post?

i'm going on a mission trip with my church on saturday. it should be really fun. we're going to pittsburgh for a week. i'm crossing my fingers that there will be wifi access where we're sleeping. and that i'll have my ipod touch back by then. if not, i'll be without internet access for a week.

i think i'll blog my mission trip, if i get internet access while i'm there. if not, i'll just write it down and post it when i come back monday. you can read it, or ignore it if you don't care. whoever "you" is. i'm probably talking to myself....well, typing to myself.

anyway. it's hot here. like, 100 degrees. and humid. ugh. i'm sleepy. and need to do something besides type/talk to myself. naptime.

song of the day: "hundred" by the fray

i need help!!!

please, someone, copy and paste blogging breaking dawn, part 3 in the comments so i can read it, because daddy still has it blocked. thanks (hopefully) [:

Christina's talking in third person now and has to go to marching band practice.

Today, i have a headache. MLIA.

*poke*

haven't posted in awhile.

too much to say and not enough time or words to say it all with, i guess.

i'm tired. corn detasseling is a lot of work. if you don't know what that is, it's the country version of weeding.

hmmm. i can't think.

i'm 15. finally. my birthday was saturday. i worked. and then went to a family reunion. i asked for froot loops. i got a laptop. but then again, i paid for 1/3 of it myself. i still want froot loops.

daddy's going to cali again next week. and i'm going to pittsburgh for a mission trip. it'll be fun. i'm hoping that i'll magically get my ipod back and then get wifi access there. the guy i like will be there. :)

i'm reading MLIA. one said "what do ninjas eat?" i don't know. maybe pirates. any ideas?

song of the day: (in honor of corn detasseling, it's a country-ish song) "Undo It" by Carrie Underwood

"today is a good day" "why?" "because i said so"

yay :D

i'm sitting in a car dealership, brainstorming for my AP english essay that i have to write, and am very happy because i just got internet access. and i get to see the guy i like today. in short, the only thing wrong with my life is the fact that i don't have facebook access. but i'll get that back soon :)

i really am getting annoyed at the lack of intelligent/poetic thought in my recent posts. seriously. i've been getting back into writing poetry a little bit lately, but not that much. i guess i've kinda gotten discouraged; i mean, what if my poetry really isn't good enough to read? what if i'm just fooling myself; if i've been lying to myself all along? what if i can't write after all?

there's nothing i want more than to be an author; to write for a living every day of my life. but maybe i'll never be good enough for that.

i don't know.

hey, at least there's some intelligent thought in the last few paragraphs, even if it's depressing. but i don't want to be depressed. so i'll just go read some poetry or something.

"sometimes you just gotta try to breathe, you said.
in and out, up and down, believe, you said.
your eyes will burn, the world will turn, there's always something new to learn,
and i'll love you til the edge of the world, you said."

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant get on facebook!!!!!!!!!!! help meeeeeee!!!!!! *dying of lack of communication especially considering that i was hoping to talk with the guy i like on fb again tonight*

hopefully daddy can unblock it again, because im dying!!!!!!!!!


there. that counts as posting for the day. i have a headache anyway; the last thing i want to do is write right now.

stealing other people's blog ideas...again

does anyone even read my blog anymore? just wondering..... anyway. i got my laptop!! her name is aimee. she's adorable. (:

and because i saw this on...someone's blog (can't remember who) and i liked it, i'll do it myself. my life according to my bookshelf........ [if anyone doesn't know, the answers are all book titles of books i have. that's the object of the...i'll call it a game.]

are you a male or a female: the optimist's daughter
describe yourself: the wanderer
how do you feel: beautiful [kinda. has anyone else ever felt that way; almost beautiful? it may be because of the weather...or i'm just happy...or something. idk]
where do you currently live: a mango-shaped space
if you could go anywhere, where would you go: halfway to the sky
your favorite form of transportation: through the looking-glass
your best friend is: a bold fresh piece of humanity
you and your best friends are: the last of the really great whangdoodles
what's the weather like: a ring of endless light [amazing book. read it. really.]
favorite time of day: remains of the day
if your life was a tv show, what would it be called: notes on a near-life experience
what is life to you: the unbearable lightness of being
your relationship: life as we knew it
your fear: the everafter
what is the best advice you have to give: things fall apart
thought for the day: the sun also rises
how would you like to die: inkdeath [in other words, the death of my choosing. weak, but only thing that really fit]
my soul's present condition: waiting
my motto: the stone angel [another weak one. oh well.]

*is overheating*

curse this humidity. it's about 90 degrees (32-ish for anyone who uses odd measurements like that) and it's so humid i could probably get a drink of water just by walking outside and breathing.

(random thought popping into my head) @rebel i wanted to comment on your last blog post, but the parental controls on the computer wouldn't let me. and i'm not quite sure what i wanted to say anyway. but that....it's a very familiar feeling. i don't know all the details of what you're thinking, but in that case, i know how you feel. it's like...you want to do something with your life. you want to be known, be good at something. but somewhere in between wanting it and doing it, you get stuck. and you're not sure why, but you can't get yourself out of it.

maybe one day you'll see me, and i'll be famous, having just written a best-selling book, or something else just as special. that's what i want. but what if i'm not good enough to write for a living? what if i'm fooling myself? what if i can't get into the college of my dreams? maybe all that will happen to me is that i'll crash; end up an alcoholic or homeless or some other fate just as terrible. just because i don't know if i'm good enough, so i put off trying to see if i am. if i procrastinate long enough, i'll miss out on life altogether. tomorrow will always be just another day far in the future--maybe i'll never start my life today.

i don't know. it's too hot to think straight right now.

song of the day: "impossible" by shontelle (i love this song! it's so cold; it's like light blue air! it's soooo pretty :D)

and here is the truth!

1) my average attention span lasts about 48 minutes.
yes. very true. i've timed it. i always get murderously bored and can't pay attention a few minutes before class is out. or 3/4 of the way thru church.

2) i hate sandals and flipflops with a passion. i refuse to wear them, and on one occasion, i burned them. just because i could.
false. i love flipflops! i'm like, obsessed with them. but i'd probably burn them if i felt like it. i like fire.

3) i don't know the difference between left and right.
true. which causes problems in marching band...and walking...

4) my mom has asked the principal of my school to give me a detention.
true!! i wasn't getting my homework done, and so my mom called up the principal and asked him to give me detentions. as in, more than one. i was in detention for like, 4 days every week for 2 weeks.

5) i'm tired right now.
yep. i'm like always tired.

6) i don't remember anything that happened to me before i was 8.
false! i have a bad memory...but not that bad.

7) i got distracted after i typed the last sentence and forgot to finish this for a half-hour-ish.
lol, true. remember short attention span here.

and i'm going to get a dell! yay! .....or at least, i'll get the dell once i earn $30 more....stupid tax.......

song of the day: brick by boring brick by paramore. i love that song. and its colors match its music video, which totally made my day =D

help me please!!

this totally isn't a HUGE problem, and i'm starving and therefore probably being illogical, but i'm losing my mind here DX

so i'm going to buy a netbook (aka baby laptop) and i've got 3 different choices for all about the same price and same additions and all. so the dell--biggest problem is that the touchpad is finicky; 27/29 people would recommend; $280. the asus--many people reported crashing, and is slower; 45/53 people recommend; $280. the gateway--some crashing troubles; slowish; touchpad finicky; 106/112 people recommend; $270.

i absolutely cannot decide!!! ugh! i don't think i want the asus, and though the gateway is cheaper, i'm just drawn to the dell. so idk which i should pick. advice?? help me out here please......

i've been noticed!! (and therefore tagged :D)

#3,4 curse you, lola!! not really. :D this should be fun. *is happy* someone noticed that i exist and tagged me!! :D right? or is there another Christina here that i don't know about? *is now worried*

anyway. i don't like that picture. it looks nothing like music. so i am changing the picture, just to make me happy. no one has to copy it, but i'll be annoyed if i don't find a picture that actually looks like music.


there. i'm happy now. :) now i'll continue with instruction #5.

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be

I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by?

at 15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
at 15, I'm all right with you
at 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there for you
Bet it sucks, seeing my face everywhere
It was you, who just ended like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you were doing
It don't say, you simply lost your way
She may believe you but i never will
Never again

there! that was fun. hmmmm.....now for tagging people. i tag.... adi, unwritten, aish, lucy/seth, ellie, kevin, torey if she appears on blogspot again, and daddy :D

rules are here.

i feel like i'm forgetting something......oh well. bye!! (overly hyper :D)

i'm a good liar :D

sooooo....since everyone else is doing this and a few people (i think adi and jgrudzy, so thanks.) said if you haven't done this, do it, and i'm too lazy to figure out if anyone's tagged me already (if that made sense, congrats, because i'm confused)............i'll join in on the lies. (and that covers instructions 1-3. i think.)

1) my average attention span lasts about 48 minutes.
2) i hate sandals and flipflops with a passion. i refuse to wear them, and on one occasion, i burned them. just because i could.
3) i don't know the difference between left and right.
4) my mom has asked the principal of my school to give me a detention.
5) i'm tired right now.
6) i don't remember anything that happened to me before i was 8.
7) i got distracted after i typed the last sentence and forgot to finish this for a half-hour-ish.

i'm too lazy to tag anyone...so if you haven't yet done this and want to, go ahead. (that would be instructions 5-7 right there)

hmmm. i wanted to talk about something else, but i don't know what to say. i'm in an optimistic mood today. today is a good day :) i'm helping out at something for my church later. it should be fun. i might see someone there i like. it depends.

song of the day: "Stars" by t.A.T.u.

dying of lack of communication with the outside world

i seriously hate summer vacation after, like, the first week. yeah, sleeping in and everything is great, but when you haven't seen most of your friends in ages and you have no way to communicate with them because facebook and sparknotes/open threads are blocked on the computer, it's soooo overrated. (daddy, please please please unblock facebook??? please? *begging* *sadface*)

i have like, nothing on my mind right now...... *needs something to do*

song of the day: "With You" by Jessica Simpson

....waking up...slowly.....

the highlight of, like, most everyone's 8th grade year at my school is the cedar point trip we go on. which was yesterday. until then, i've never ever been on a roller coaster XD (i'm a deprived child). but i went on a LOT of roller coasters!! they were fun!

and then we got back at like midnight. and i had to wake up at 4 to leave. and then TODAY, the reason i'm not still asleep like most sane people at this time of the morning is that people are coming to fix our roof. they started working at 8ish. it's painful....but i'm almost kinda awake now.....at least awake enough to blog.

daddy got a job! so i get a laptop. i'm happy :) i think i'm going to get one of those adorable baby laptops, they're so cute :D

good night......... (even though it's 9.30 in the morning)

song of the day: idk. too tired to think.

time is like color--it's unique to everyone

have you ever had that strange, vague, light blue feeling, that you're experiencing time very differently than everyone else? that's how i feel right now, and for two reasons.

for one, yesterday was the last day of school. next year i'll be in high school, and, even though i haven't been able to wait for this, i don't want it to happen just yet. i want the world to stop spinning, just for a minute or two; just long enough for me to catch my breath and take in all these things i'm going to want to remember; long enough for me to once again grasp hold of something more solid than the air.

also, it's a funny thought--i'm almost 15; in less than a month i will be. but i don't feel in the least bit 14; it almost disgusts me to say that i am only 14. i don't even feel 15-almost-16. i feel at least 16--almost 17--like i'm just stepping off into my future; young, idealistic, and ready to take on the world. but then i look at reality and i'm so confused; because i still have 4 years of school til college, but i feel like i'm a junior, nearly finished with high school.

everyone who knows me at all is probably laughing; heaven knows i don't act my age, much less almost 17 like i feel. but that's part of it too. i feel like i only have a little time--only a year or so--before i have to be responsible and adult-like and on my own. so i think i have to hurry; act like a child for as long as i can, because i don't have much time left.

it's so confusing. i act 12. i feel 17. but right now i'm only 14-almost-15, lingering in the space between childhood and adulthood; not able to do much of anything, not able to be free.

song of the day: "Twilight" by Vanessa Carlton

school's almost over!! :D

Yay! i'm at school right now, it's the LAST FULL DAY and im sooo hyper!! :D

I've been grounded from the home computer, so i haven't updated this lately, but since i just realized i can at school, i decided i might as well say something. sooooo......idk what to say. class is almost over but not quite.

i think it's time to go to jazz band now; when i think of something else worthwhile to say i might post it if i can get on the computer later.

.....too lazy to title this.

Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel; believe what I believe; perceive as I perceive; look; experience; examine; and for once, just once, understand.

I'd rant about how I feel, but it'd be awfully redundant. So just see the last 3 paragraphs of yesterday's post =)

Song of the Day: "Take a Bow" by Rihanna.

i am NOT a spoiled child!

i'm actually going to at least try to blog about what actually happened today instead of typing whatever randomly comes into my head. oooh, a squirrel!!

no, there really WAS a squirrel. i'm serious. and no, i'm not ADD.

today was....kinda interesting. but ugh-ish, and yes, that's a word.

today, we had to go over to the high school for some sort of tour, that basically involved me frantically writing an essay and wandering around following a high school student--our "mentor"--and feeling awkward. and short.

then i had my last ATYP class. i TRIED to get Jake to at least be friends again. but no....instead he started using big words and basically saying that i was a spoiled child and he was sick of me. which was mean. i am not a spoiled child!

so what if i don't want to grow up? someone, look me in the eyes (figuratively) and tell me honestly that you'd rather be a boring old grown-up who has to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for the rest of your life. tell me that you'd rather be responsible and have no fun and be normal. seriously. because i don't want that. ever. and i'm quite upset that everyone's telling me that i have to.

so what if i honestly want to travel the world, run barefoot thru meadows, write, and never find a real job? is that really so bad? so what if i'm not used to doing things for myself, and usually don't? so what if i will always be a child at heart? is that a reason to break up with me?

i don't think so.

song of the day: "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat (i love this song; it's so.....un-grown-up. idk.)

does it say something about me that my "top 20" playlist has 33 songs in it?

i like music. a lot. i'm kinda obsessed; just like any self-respecting teen is. i'm the kind of person that will get a song stuck in my head on purpose just so it isn't so quiet at school, where i'm not allowed to have my ipod on.

and yet, i swear life hates me. i got my wonderful ipod touch taken away....more months ago than i can count (but then again, i called canada china today, so the idea that i can count is questionable), and i'm seriously wondering if i'm going to make it til i get my music back.

the radio's always on now, so at least there's some sort of music. but it all sucks. i can't find the music i like on the radio, so i have to be tortured by popular music...the disgusting kind that i hate. i mean, seriously. has anyone heard the song Carryout? it's possibly the most insulting, woman-only-an-object, song i have ever listened to. i want to kill someone every time that song comes on.

and to think that girls are sitting here, calling the radio station, requesting that song. i can't believe that anyone--especially girls--can listen to that song and not see it as offensive.

anyway. just had to get that rant out of my system. back to my essay, now i guess......and daddy, yes, i've gotten a page done; that's why i'm on here.

this is....wonderful *sarcasm hand raised*

it's stormingish. i have to play my clarinet in a parade in an hour. this should be fun, because i totally love marching in the pouring rain.

and i have to revise my research paper and write an essay. before 1 tomorrow. i haven't started. fail.

song of the day: "Missing" by Evanescence


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noon: well, the parade was canceled. which is good, i guess, but i still have to write the essay. ^_^ oh well. i need something interesting to happen, because i'm bored and really don't want to work.

it's naptime.

i'm tired. mom let me go on the computer and not do homework, but i haven't done that in so long that i don't know what to do. that's kinda sad. it's way too humid still and about 5 million degrees outside, and i feel like whining right now.

yesterday was good. i got money. i hung out with this guy. i think he likes me, not sure though. idk. id post what he said to me, but that takes a lot of typing, and since my daddy probably will read this, i won't, because stalkers scare me. especially stalkers that are too cowardly to at least post a comment to let me know they're stalking me, which, yes daddy, you CAN do without getting a google account.

have i said that i'm tired? because i am. i kinda feel like writing poetry and i kinda don't. i want to do something interesting, but there's really nothing to do that is legal and that i haven't done today. i should write my essay but i really don't want to. it's not due til tuesday, and even though it has to be 3-4 pages and i haven't started, i'm not worried yet. i'll save the worrying for monday night. or maybe tuesday morning.

hmmmmm.... song of the day: "Behind these Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson

blogging my essay-writing process

one minute: this isn't so bad. i even have a topic: i'm exploring the unintended messages in the top ten pop songs of this week and their cultural impact. i'll be done soon!

five minutes: WHY IS THE COMPUTER BEING SO SLOW?!?!?! this is insane!!! and my music is broken!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!

ten minutes: i cant find any information. why is there no list of the top ten songs???

eleven minutes: oh. found it.

15 minutes: i hate popular music. it's stupid. maybe i will get this essay done today just because i'll be able to rant for three pages about it.

20 minutes: i forgot i was supposed to be doing research for a minute there. im thirsty. i wish i had a popsicle.

22 minutes: this is taking forever. i thought id be done researching by now. i havent even gotten halfway through.

25 minutes: i wonder if my teacher will care if i'm too lazy to * out swear words?

28 minutes: if ANYONE likes ke$ha or lady gaga, they should be put in a mental hospital with twilight-lovers. no offense.

31 minutes: all these different documents i have up are confusing me. i keep clicking on the wrong one.

32 minutes: this post is going to be sooo long by the time i actually START this essay.

34 minutes: DUDE!!!! that was awesome!! the second the lyrics to one of the songs come up, that SAME SONG starts playing from my itunes playlist!!!!

45 minutes: finally! finished researching. now to bleep out all the swear words....

47 minutes: took long enough! now i'll actually START the essay.....

48 minutes: i'm too tired to write an essay...

50 minutes: i'm taking a break. i'll write the essay later.

song of the day: "can't be tamed" by miley cyrus (yeah....i hate miley, but for some reason today i like this song. idk.)

today, yesterday, and infinity

i'm kinda depressed today. no real reason, its just that goldish-berry feeling that makes me want to cry, but im not because i'm too tired.

i probably failed my m*** test today. oh well ^_^

i cant believe ATYP is almost over. one more class. i know i'm not prepared, and ill be really lucky to even get a B/C. but right now i really dont care...

i don't know really what to say. i just want to log off the computer and mindlessly play video games for the next few hours.

it doesn't feel like a wednesday. i wish it wasn't.

im tired. i kinda want to write poetry, and i kinda don't.

Jake hasn't emailed me yet. i dont know what that means. i hope he will say we can still be friends; i miss our friendship alot more than our relationship. friendship is so much better anyway.

i'm getting sick of thinking, so bye for now.....

song of the day: "A thousand miles" --Vanessa Carlton

doctors are evil :( but pancakes are yummy!

i had to get a shot today....ughh. it hurt. a lot. i nearly fainted, but i didn't, which was probably a good thing.

i just nearly had a heart attack...because my printer started printing. this happens to me at least 10 times a week....

i was reeeally sad last night; not for a logical reason, but because i accidentally colored part of my picture the wrong color and the white-out wasn't working. this is normal for me, too. ^^ and until i started reading MLIA, i didn't realize that not all people color in coloring books and shout stuff out randomly in class. i have awesome friends.

the other day i realized that whenever im confused or whatever, my mind is like O.o
the funny part of that is that i don't even know how to say what that emotion is in normal language. yeah.....

im happy :) my daddy got a job. it's ironic, and kinda funny, because a long time ago, when he lived in Kalamazoo he moved to grand Rapids because he got a job there. and then when his job got transferred to Kalamazoo from grand rapids, he moved back to kalamazoo, where we live now. guess where his new job is? yep, Grand Rapids. we're not moving though, he says, which is good. so im happy :)

and even though i failed a math test....today was a good day :)

song of the day: "bulletproof" by La Roux

happy :)

it's storming. i'm happy. i'd post more, but the power's probably going to go out, and it'd be bad if i was still on the computer.

song of the day: hmmmm.....let's see........."Halo" by Beyonce. i like that song, even though it has nothing to do with my day =)

more random stuff from MLIA.

i feel like i'm accomplishing something by going on MLIA instead of doing homework. which is kinda sad XD

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Today i found out that my little brother is being home schooled and has been for almost 4 months. I live in the same house and had no idea. MLIA

Today I had a long break between classes and went to an empty auditorium to do work. Soon after, a large class started coming in to take a test. Not only did I write ridiculous answers on the test I was handed, but when it was completely silent I stood up in outrage and screamed "I HATE THIS CLASS!" and stormed out. I don't care if it made someone's day, that was for my own entertainment. MLIA

Today, I was in the park with a friend when I saw a pigeon. I said, "Imagine walking with only two legs". I didn't realise what I had said for a good ten minutes. MLIA

Last night, I had a fight with my boyfriend about Harry Potter being better than Twilight. Today, I am single. I was fighting for Team Potter. MLIA

Today, I was waking with my older sister through the park. I put my hands in my pockets and said, "Hey, look! A dead bird!" She looked up at the sky, "Where? Where?" She's 16. And I'm glad to know dead birds can fly. MLIA

Today my friends and I were playing The Floor Is Lava during lunch. We were making our way down the hall on the benches when our principal walks up next to us and gives us a quizzical look. I simply looked at him and told him that he was about to burst into flames because the floor was lava. He yelped and threw himself onto the passing quarterback and continued to hang off of him until he reached his office. I love our principal. MLIA

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my life's pretty average too. today i walked into three walls in 5 minutes, my entire jazz band shared one person's answers for our science homework cuz only one person had done it, and i called one of my friends a pink-frosted pink thing. (she was wearing all pink. a pink-frosted pink thing was the only thing i could think of that was pink). my mom said "look, a hippopotamus!" and i looked. and i spent two hours arguing with a robot, trying to convince it that it was not human.

song that describes my day (if you havent noticed i kinda started this cuz i could. life would be so much better with background music XD) "Never Again" --Kelly Clarkson

your daily entertainment, brought to you by MLIA =)

Today, I cracked all the eggs in the carton because I discovered I could crack them one handed. Once I ate some and cleaned up the rest, my Mum walked out, looked in the fridge and asked what had happened to the eggs. I looked at her and told her that they had hatched. She nodded and walked away. MLIA

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of just short of a year. I cried for a long time. And then I my dad reminded me that he used to give me weird looks when I would roar while eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets, and a guy like that isn't worth it. I stopped crying. MLIA.

Today, an alert came up on Google Chrome that said, "The following pages are not responding. You can wait for them to respond or you can kill them," and had a picture of an evil Chrome tab. I was slightly frightened by Google's violence. MLIA.

Today, my families cell phones got cut off, so we couldn't call or text. Later i got a text message from my mother asking if my phone was working again. Seeing as it obviously worked again, i tried to be funny and sent her a message back saying no it wasn't. Later i went downstairs to find her yelling on the phone at the phone company about how my cell was still not working. I wonder how long this one will take her. MLIA

The other day in band everyone was talking so to get our attention my band teacher held up his keys and said "Look, Shiny!" The entire band got quiet and looked up at him. Highschoolers are awesome. MLIA

Our teacher showed us a picture in science class of Saturn, and you could see the sun in the distance. A guy in my class shouted out "Hey, from there, the sun looks like a star!" MLIA

Today, I saw a sign in the cafeteria at my school that said "Shoes required to eat in cafeteria." Someone had written underneath it "But socks can eat wherever they want." MLIA

Today I called my male professor Mom, and he answered. I'm not sure which of us was more embarrassed. MLIA

Today, I waved at the security camera in a store. As I was walking out, I saw an old man waving at one too. I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who does that. MLIA

Today, I was in the local coffee shop. I saw a very uptight-looking business man; very high class, with a suit, Bluetooth and a laptop. He sat down and looked very concentrated on what he was doing on his laptop. When I passed him as I was leaving, I saw that he was playing FarmVille. MLIA.

Today I was watching TV and a commercial came on proclaiming, "Christmas is a weird time, when else do you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock?" I will never think of Christmas the same way again. MLIA

Today, I was taking a statewide health test. One of the questions was, "Have you ever committed suicide?" The choices were Yes, No, and Maybe. The question after was, "How many times have you committed suicide?" I put over 10. i hope they get hell for that. MLIA

Today I was wearing my sweater on my waist, my shoulders got cold so I put it around there instead of my waist, it got cold at my waist and I thought I wish I could wear my sweater in both parts, and that's where I remembered you could wear your sweater by putting it on. MLIA

^^^

song that describes my day yesterday (instead of me blogging about it): "Over You" --Daughtry

it's always the little things. never was i as strongly affected by the big picture of anything as the littlest detail. Jake breaking up with me....i thought i was over it. i replayed our last kiss over and over in my head, almost comforted by it. but i was brought to tears when my mom asked me to get the timer from my room, because i was remembering phone calls between Jake and i late at night. i'm still almost crying. i miss him. i don't know what i did....but i wish it had never happened. i'm so scared, thinking about tomorrow; how i'll have to see him in class, work with him, and know that i'll probably never hold his hand again, never kiss him again, never lovingly stare up into his eyes again right before we have to go back to class, begging him for just one more kiss; trying to convince him that no one will care if we're late. never again.

*screaming like a fangirl*

OMG!!!! adi, i love your accent!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

....anyway. im calm now. im sitting in front of my computer eating peanut butter. i should be doing english, i have soooo much to do and its all due tomorrow. but im not.

im in a surprisingly good mood right now, considering im probably about to fail ATYP and my boyfriend broke up with me friday. today's a good day. :)

i have a lot of documents open on my screen. i keep starting something and then getting distracted. im a really disorganized person. ive basically trashed my room looking for a handout i need. i feel like ive accomplished something today, because one of my essays doesn't have the comment "short" on it from my teacher. thats kinda sad.

is anyone still reading this? wow. you either have issues, or are trying to avoid homework too. i finished one revision in two hours!! yay! ...only 14 more left.

OMG. cleverbot.com: most distracting website. ever. it's hysterical. ive been sitting here for the last 15 minutes talking to a robot.

it would be a good idea to get off here and work. so that's actually what i'll do. so bye...for now.

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?


--"Missing" by Evanescence

life (kinda) sucks

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I don't know why, or what i did, or really anything. He just called me...and sounded so cold and not like himself...and he said it was over. it was our 3-month anniversary, too. So i'm depressed. He was normal last time i saw him, but in just a few days, he completely changed. i don't know what happened. I'm kinda stunned still; i need to know what happened before i can let him go completely.

And yes, i miss him, and i will for a while yet. but I'm stronger than i look. and today's a new day and the sun is shining and i'm not crying anymore and i feel almost beautiful, and i'm over him. <3

Random Stuff About Me That You May or May Not Know/Care About

Name: Christina (username on sparknotes: tragicxharmony)

Age: almost 15

Favorite color: purple.

E-lationship: none.

Real-life relationship: yes!! :)

Favorite Food: anything chocolate

Random thing most people don't know about me: i have synesthesia. (if you don't know what that is, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia)

Taste in Music: i'll listen to anything that looks pretty. right now, i'm addicted to t.A.T.u. (a russian duo) and brick by boring brick by paramore.

favorite phrase: tragic harmony (there's a reason that's my username :P)

location: Michigan, USA

favorite subjects: english, french, band

instruments: clarinet, flute, and (hopefully by the end of summer) saxophone

addictions: poetry, chocolate, open threads on sparknotes

most ADD-inducing object: shiny objects. or squirrels.

thing i spend most of my time doing: writing essays for ATYP (an advanced english) or doing algebra (ugh....)


any questions? ask in the comments =)

space, time, and other possibilities

I'm listening to a very pretty light red song right now. i love light red. it's such a pretty color. it isn't pink at all; it's red. but lighter.

anyway. it's wednesday. i like wednesdays, they're halfway through the week and they go by fast because i daydream a lot on wednesdays. i don't like this time of year though, it's all waiting and just trying to keep up. nothing interesting happens this time of year; nothing out of the ordinary, anyway. interesting things are everywhere, but my routine is always the same. i can't wait til summer.

i'll be in high school next year. it sounds so odd, saying that; middle school sounds so young. it's funny how time works. i remember, in fourth grade, when i went to the middle school for advanced classes, how even the sixth graders looked so old. it almost feels like i'm in high school now, and even high school sounds so juvenile. i guess everything seems strangely young, looking back on it.

Hello? i'm RIGHT HERE........

I don't know if it's just me, but i don't feel like people care about me if they ignore me.This has happened before; people say they love me and then don't talk to me for a week. I don't know if i'm some sort of anomaly, but that generally makes me upset.

So be mad at me if you want to, but it's pretty hard to believe you care when you don't even talk to me, and then get mad at me for missing you.

I'm bored.......

I get bored alot. Like, all the time. I'm bored right now, and I'm typing this, listening to music, brainstorming my essay for ATYP, and trying to figure out if i'm hungry. But i'm still bored.

It's really windy outside. I want to go outside and climb a tree. I love climbing trees.

I don't like days like today. Some days, I don't even feel like i'm touching the ground when i walk; i feel like i'm not truly part of this world. But other days, I feel so ordinary that i can't stand it. I want to fly; be free. I want to be cut off from this world, because only then will i become what i'd like to think i'm meant to be.

Poetry, that's what that last paragraph is. I call everything poetry if i like it. Because poetry to me isn't just rhymed sonnets. It's a certain kind of beauty. I think i'm going to fill this blog with poetry--everything i find truly beautiful.

I'm not always so dreamy, babbling about wind and poetry. I have three sides to be, the romantic side, the random ADD side, and the moody side. Some people say i have to get my act together; enter the real world. But this is my real world. I can't separate my three sides, because then i wouldn't be me. All three sides will show up in this blog. i usually like my poetic romantic side best, because it feels prettier. But i'll be everything.

And in conclusion of my second blog entry....look! a shiny squirrel!

This is what happens when i start thinking

So I decided to create a blog. Why? Well, I guess because I want to write something other people might want to read. I guess.

I hate introductions like this--I find them irritating, and overly hopeful, like just because I started a blog somehow means that today is special or something. I mean, special other than because today's Tuesday and it's sunny and all days are special. I don't know....it's a bit more naive than even I like.

According to some, I am naive; a dreamer; and whatever else anyone wants to call it. Maybe I am. Maybe. Not that it matters.

I don't want comfort. I want god, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.
--Brave New World